The things I would never have the courage to say to him
When I imagine my future, it’s also yours. I can’t think of the decades ahead without placing you within them. I’m not afraid of my face lined with grey strands, aged with wrinkles. But in that image, you’re beside me. We’ve both lost our looks, a small tragedy, but we’ve lost them together. In this fantasy you still love me despite my plump thighs and sagging breasts. I still find you irresistible, even though you’re bald and scarred. This part of the fantasy, that we’re hopelessly in love, I can ignore. Because at our current state there is no ‘we’re’ in relation to ‘hopelessly in love’. But you’re there as I age. I can’t ignore that, I can’t convince myself that this is a delusion. I can’t shake the feeling that even in the end. you’ll be with me.